Control versus Influence
I have been studying and writing about the finer points of leadership for nearly a decade. In the articles I write for the ‘Leaders Exchange Sandbox, I have distilled a multitude of practices into a few key attributes and strategies. In the last couple of articles, the central idea has been about the power of influence. Great leaders build trust and engagement through their ability to influence, not control, their Team Members.
A Gallup poll highlighted that managers account for at least 70% of the variance in employee engagement scores across business units. This underscores the negative impact that leadership styles, particularly those that are overly controlling, can have on employee motivation.
The practice of using controlling tactics to achieve outcomes is not only outdated, but also counterproductive.
But look who is calling the kettle black!
I confess that I caught myself this week, employing the exact same strategy that I know doesn’t work. It is embarrassing to admit, yet the circumstances that brought me to reverting to use the ‘control’ is a valid comparison. It occurred with my three-year-old granddaughter, D.J.
My daughter asked for my help with their newborn and toddler while her husband was away for a few days. I can see how weary my daughter is and I was happy to help. One morning, however, D.J rose at an ungodly hour and insisted on waking her mother. I knew my daughter had been up 3 times in the night feeding her newborn and desperately needed more sleep. D.J. had a meltdown, whining, crying, stomping her feet! She was determined. At first, I tried to redirect, but very quickly I felt my frustration and annoyance rising. I tried to force my granddaughter to get ready for daycare before disturbing her mother. I failed in my attempt to redirect and as I became more forceful and authoritarian, my granddaughter’s reaction became more extreme. Impossible for anyone to sleep through.
My intention here is not to compare leadership with parenting tactics, although it has been argued that there are many parallels. The example I am describing demonstrates a common human reaction. When things are not going the way you want, the tendency is to resort to command and control tactics.
When I realized what I was doing, I was dismayed and stepped back to consider how I let myself get to that point. I had to wonder if there are times at work that I might resort to controlling language or behaviours?
Parenting is one of the hardest roles we perform, but leading Teams might be the second. It takes a great deal of self-awareness and humility to examine the triggers that set us off on a path that is counterproductive. A 3-year-old meltdown or a Team Member who makes a decision without appreciating all the facts, or any number of other situations, can be potential triggers.
For years I have maintained a meditation practice with daily mindfulness moments to allow myself to be aware of what I am feeling so that I can choose with clarity how I want to lead. And again, I have had to face myself, and acknowledge that my controlling behaviour is a default that continues to need correction. Awareness brings me closer to fine.
Using controlling tactics at work may seem, one might argue, the best and only way to “get it done”. However, the cost of that tactic translates to employee indifference, disloyalty, low morale, lost opportunities through poor employee engagement…The list goes on.
If you find yourself questioning the strength of your controlling nature in your leadership journey, I can help. The Positive Intelligence Assessment will demonstrate the strength of your controlling saboteur, and 8 other equally counterproductive tendencies. It all starts with self-awareness, then learning and practicing better ways to become an influential leader.